Build A Positive Life

We all spend so much time and effort to bring off the holidays that it is no surprise how many people experience post-holiday letdown.  All the guests have gone home, the pretty glow of the lights and decorations have been packed away, the bills have come rolling in, and perhaps the pounds have also crept up.

How To Prevent Post-Holiday Letdown

There are any number of ways to keep the normal post-holiday letdown from catching a firm hold on you.  Below are some of them, and hopefully these will trigger even more ideas you can add to the list.

1. Leave a few of your clear lights up, say to decorate a large plant or wrapped around a lamp pole the rest of the winter to keep part of that warm soft-light glow alive.  Baby your poinsettias along for as long as possible, too.  Keep a few red and green pillows and throws on the sofa and chairs, too, throughout the cold months of the years.  These simple moves prevent an abrupt interruption in the warm, cheerful atmosphere.
2. If you need to make returns, wait a week or so until the rush immediately following the holidays dies down a bit.  It can prevent your exhausted self from experiencing the frustration of standing in long lines.  Do return them, though, and if you’re totally bummed out by the post-holiday bills you know will be coming in, consider a refund as opposed to an exchange, and put it towards those bills.
3. And speaking of the bills, pay them promptly to avoid the additional expense of late fees or rising interest rates.  Pay more than the minimum on any credit cards, and if you have a tax refund coming, put part of all of it toward your holiday debt.
4. The hoopla was great, but exhausting, so for a couple of weeks, keep your family activities quiet and low-key.  Enjoy some feel-good movies or board games.
5. Enlist the help of the whole family to put the house back in shape in the matter of a few hours.
6. Keep family meals lightweight and simple, and go for walks together out in the fresh air.  This will help melt away any extra pounds, relax you all, and rejuvenate you.
7. Sneak some quiet time alone for reading or napping, either alone or with your sweetie.  It’s a good time to unwind alone, or reconnect together, whichever you most need.

Enjoy the holidays, and with these simple tips, enjoy the days and weeks afterward, as well

Karen

Karen Chaffee Health and Wellness, Holidays Holidays, post holiday letdown, prevent post holiday letdown

New Year’s resolutions … many of us make them; most of us who do tend to break them.  This year, why not try something different than the resolutions the usually make the Top 10 lists and make some that are geared toward making your life easier, rather than struggling to keep the ones that always seem out of reach?

New Year’s Resolutions To Make Your Life Easier

  1. Set the alarm for 15 minutes earlier than usual and steal some quiet time to start the day.  After a week or so, you’ll be going to bed that much earlier, too.

  2. To ward off next years holiday debt worries and last minute rushes, buy one gift a month when you’re out and about anyway.  Or set aside some money in a Christmas club toward the bigger gifts and purchase several smaller ones outright each month.

  3. Trade favors with one or more friends and spend a day a month helping de-clutter each others homes.  Toss the trash things, and donate the better things you no longer need to charity.  If you need the money, sell those things on Ebay or on consignment at a local second-hand store.

  4. One weekend a month, shop in bulk for those things you use frequently like paper products, canned goods, and toiletries.  That means during the week, you’ll only have to shop for fresh produce, etc.

  5. Keep colorful containers near those places that tend to acquire clutter:  near entry ways, on the kitchen counter, in the playroom or family room, and on your desk.  Size them according to need and once a week, put things in their rightful places.  It’ll prevent you and your friends from having to de-clutter again next year.

  6. Each time you cook, make double or triple.  Freeze the extras for easy reheatable meals on your busiest evenings.

  7. Free up money and energy by going out less often.  Watch more DVD’s at home.  Play board games as a family.  Exchange get-togethers to play cards or enjoy a potluck style meal or finger foods with friends.

  8. Trade baby-sitting favors with friends.  They and you will each trade one extra busy afternoon for one that is totally freed up to do as you wish.

  9. This year, sign your kids up for one extra curricular activity apiece rather than 3 or 4 each.

 10. Consolidate your errands to save on gas money, vehicle wear and tear, and personal energy.

 11. If you can afford it, hire a someone to do the deepest house cleaning once a month, or again, trade off with neighbors, friends, or family and help each other get the work done faster and more easily.

 12. Eliminate things you do merely out of a sense of obligation rather than necessity or enjoyment.

Going through this list of New Year’s resolutions to make your life easier will trigger even more ideas to do so.  Tailor it to suit your specific needs and enjoy the benefits.

Karen

Karen Chaffee Holidays, Simplify Your Life Holidays, New Years, New Years resolutions, simplify life

We hear about it often because it has become common — online romance.  But is an online romance really cheating? 

Defenses of Online Romance

Those who indulge justify online romace in the following ways:

• It isn’t really cheating because there’s no physical contact
• It gives me something I’m not getting from my partner, and doing it this way, no one really gets hurt
• It keeps me from cheating in “real life.”
• It satisifies my curiosity about what it would be like to be with someone other than my partner without really cheating.
• I can have some fun without getting any diseases.
• It’s cheaper than a real affair.
• It’s better than leaving my partner.
• It’s better for my kids than a divorce would be.
• I’m unhappy and this is a harmless way to relieve that unhappiness.
• I wouldn’t think of it as cheating if my partner was doing it.

The Reality of Online Romance

Regarding the “no physical contact” excuse, there are many ways to cheat on one’s partner, and literal, physical contact is only one of them.  Emotional cheating is just as harmful in many ways.  It’s still giving to another what rightfully belongs to one’s partner.  It takes not only emotional contact from the partner, but physical contact, too. 

Every minute you spend indulging in an online romance is one minute less you’re giving to your partner, one minute less you’re working on your “real” relationship.  If you go so far as to have cyber sex or phone sex, than you’re using up your sexual enegy with someone else and in the process, depriving your partner of that.

Regarding the “no one gets hurt excuse” — oh really?  Almost always, the partner finds out about the online romance, and it does indeed hurt.  Or if you lose interest in the online lover, that hurts, too.  It’s wise to remember that, just you are a living breathing human being with real feelings, so is the person on the other side of the screen.  Is that online lover in a relationship as you are?  It becomes like a chain reaction, the proverbial ripple effect.  Never believe that no one gets hurt.

“It keeps me from cheating in real life.”  Isn’t it time we all admit that being online and whatever we do while there is now very much a part of real life?  On top of that, be aware that many online romances eventually do end up becoming face-to-face, up close and personal.  Don’t allow yourself to live with false illusions.  Lying to yourself is just as damaging as lying to someone else.

Regarding “It satisifies my curiosity about what it would be like to be with someone other than my partner.”  Oh really?  Have you been completely upfront with your online lover?  Even if you have, how do you know the other person has done the same?  The online world is a convenient place to pretend a million things that one isn’t.  And isn’t that a lot like saying, “I’ve always wondered what life in Timbuktu would be like, and now I know,” even though you’ve never visited a single place in Africa?

As for “I can have some fun without getting any diseases,” it could be argued that the very fact you’re having an online romance when you already have a partner is a symptom of some form of emotional or relationship disease that has gone unaddressed.

“It’s cheaper than a real affair.”  Maybe so, if you’re only talking about money, or if you don’t get caught, or if the online romance doesn’t lead to expensive phone calls, or in-person meetings.  And always remember the emotional toll that might result.  One stands to lose everything that matters most and not find out until it’s too late.

Regarding “It’’s better for my partner/kids than leaving or divorcing would be.”  See above, as online romance can run amok beyond one’s wildest imaginings.

“I’m unhappy … this is harmless.”  After an initial euphoria, online romance can ultimately lead to increased, not decreased, unhappiness.  It doesn’t address the underlying causess.  Only you can do that is the root cause is strictly your own, or you and your actual partner if the relationship is at the center of your unhappiness. 

“I wouldn’t consider it cheating if my partner was doing it.”  Oh, really?  You might re-examining that illusion.  Close your eyes, and truly picture it happening and how you might really feel if your partner was engaged in an online romance.  Get thorough, get deep, with your visualization of it.  Be honest with yourself about what it might really feel like or do to you.

Conclusion

In my opinion, online romance is, indeed, cheating for all the reasons stated above, and for all the reasons I’ve inadvertently omitted.

What is your take regarding online romance.  Is it cheating?

Karen Chaffee Relationships cheating, online cheating, online romance, online romance and cheating

As time passes, do you find that you’re dreading the holidays more than looking forward to them?  Remember being a kid and feeling such a sense of joy and anticipation when the holiday season rolled around?  What happened to all that?

When you feel like the holidays have become more of a burden that a pleasure, their are ways to reclaim some of that childhood joy.

Identify Those Things That Cause Your Holiday Stress

The first way to beat holiday stress is to know which things cause it.

The stresses will vary from person to person.  While Joe might love decorating the outside of the house, Alan may hate it.  And your neighbor Marie loves all the shopping and baking, but you’re too busy these days to feel that it is anything but an exhausting habit, a tradition you just can’t seem to let go.

The extrovert loves all the gatherings and parties, while the introvert would rather celebrate in a more quiet or slower-paced way.

Once you’ve defined your particular stress makers, rest assured that whatever they are, none of them make you a scrooge.  We all have them, and while some people don’t mind talking bah humbug, others hide the dirty little secret of holiday burnout from  a misguided sense of guilt.  I mean, isn’t everyone supposed to get into the hurr- hurry rush-rush of the season and actually enjoy it? 

Um…not really.  We’re human.  We have unique tastes and unique limits, yes?

Eliminating Your Holiday Stress Triggers

Once you’ve identified exactly what about the holidays have you exhausted one week into the season, you can eliminate them, and any residues of guilt over having done so.

If you want to keep certain things, but hate the hassle, simplify those things.  Often, less really is more, so eliminate half, or more, of all those outdoor lights you hate hanging.  One beautifully decorated row of shrubs beneath the front windows (easy to manage) and a huge pre-lighted LED wreath makes a simple, but beautiful statement.  Or aim a few colored spotlights that create images all by themselves on your outside walls.

Do you keep on sending cards and gifts to people you haven’t seen in a decade just because that’s what you’ve always done?  We can all just stop, right?  And place our major energy, focus, and cash where it counts the most.

Or better yet, we can make some of the gifts ourselves, or put together family-sized goodie baskets rather than buying individual gifts for relatives and friends. 

Shop online this year, and stay within your budget.  Don’t worry about what others might think of the cost of the gift.  Those in the know really do appreciate the thought the most.  I, for one, love getting the simpler little things, or the company of people rather than something that I know will have broken the givers budget in two!

Buy the goodies ready-made for that dinner or the big party.  Really, it’s ok!  And if you can’t afford that, go potluck or buffet style, and ask everyone to bring a dish to pass.

If you still want to add the personal touch to those yearly cookies, buy several rolls of refrigerated cookie dough, slice and bake them, and add your special touch by decorating them.

Cut out half of the parties or events you normally attend, keeping only the ones you actually enjoy.  If you can’t bear to do that, but still want to ease the load, attend each on alternate years.

If they no longer have meaning, eliminate certain traditions or begin new ones that would add special meaning to your holiday.

If you sincerely have energy left over, save the money you’d normally spend on that last minute shopping trip that isn’t really necessary, and do something wonderful for the needy.

One thing I’ve done in my own life is to embrace the spiritual side of the holidays as opposed to secular side.  That in itself has made a huge difference.

This is your one go-round here on earth, and the holidays only come one each per year, so remake them in a way that will allow you to look forward to them again with the joy you knew as a child.  And absolutely steer clear of guilt any time its little voice tries to invade your more peaceful mind.

Any ideas to add?  Please do )

Karen Chaffee Health and Wellness, Holidays

photo credit: alancleaver_2000

Christmas gifts … we’re blessed to receive them, more blessed to give them, and if we’re not careful, definitely hard on the budget.  In the present economy, more than ever we wish to give gifts to those we love and those who help us throughout the year, so let’s explore how to save money and still give great Christmas gifts.

How To Save Money On Christmas Gifts

• Cut up or set aside the credit cards and make this a cash-only Christmas
• Shop Goodwill, thrift stores, Dollar Tree, and clearance aisles only–you’d be surprised how many great things can be had for the proverbial song
• Utilize that divine creativity when you wish to save money on Christmas gifts and go the DIY route:  knit, build a birdhouse or a what-not shelf, paint a picture, craft a poem and put it in a frame, use as many recycled goods to do this as possible
• Find a deal on bulk magazine subscriptions, choose several, and send them to friends or family
• Shop online sales and no-shipping fee deals, or go the Ebay or Craig’s List route
• Give a few heirlooms to your grown children now rather than saving them all for the will
• Give one gift per family this year rather than one per person:  board game, movie night goody basket with DVD, micro-wave popcorn, and packets of hot chocolate mix, or a beautiful basket filled with fruit, nuts, and home-made cookies
• Save your shopping for those last minute deals, online and off
• Give coupons for baby-sitting, cleaning a friend’s closet, or baking a dessert once a month for your Aunt Sophie’s family, or cleaning Grandpa Harry’s garage come spring…tuck the coupons into a pretty card
• Don’t rule out re-gifting (I know, but the times are tough:)
• Use newspaper or brown paper bags as gift wrap and tie them up in shiny ribbon or twine with a sprig of holly on top…good for the earth; good to save money

General Tips To Save Money On Christmas Gifts

Draw up a holiday budget, and stick to it.  Make an idea list for each gift recipeint and carry it in your wallet or purse to avoid impulse purchases.  This is also a good way to take advantage of sales when you happen upon them.  Buy some dollar store mugs, photo frames, and candy to have on hand in case you find you’ve left someone off your list or get a surprise guest this year.

We’ll all enjoy Christmas more if we’re not stressed about how to pay for it!

Please do share your own ways to save money on Christmas gifts

Karen Chaffee Holidays cheap christmas gifts, christmas gift buying, how to save on christmas gifts, tips for saving money on christmas