Is An Online Romance Really Cheating?
We hear about it often because it has become common — online romance. But is an online romance really cheating?
Defenses of Online Romance
Those who indulge justify online romace in the following ways:
- It isn’t really cheating because there’s no physical contact
- It gives me something I’m not getting from my partner, and doing it this way, no one really gets hurt
- It keeps me from cheating in “real life.”
- It satisifies my curiosity about what it would be like to be with someone other than my partner without really cheating.
- I can have some fun without getting any diseases.
- It’s cheaper than a real affair.
- It’s better than leaving my partner.
- It’s better for my kids than a divorce would be.
- I’m unhappy and this is a harmless way to relieve that unhappiness.
- I wouldn’t think of it as cheating if my partner was doing it.
The Reality of Online Romance
Regarding the “no physical contact” excuse, there are many ways to cheat on one’s partner, and literal, physical contact is only one of them. Emotional cheating is just as harmful in many ways. It’s still giving to another what rightfully belongs to one’s partner. It takes not only emotional contact from the partner, but physical contact, too.
Every minute you spend indulging in an online romance is one minute less you’re giving to your partner, one minute less you’re working on your “real” relationship. If you go so far as to have cyber sex or phone sex, than you’re using up your sexual enegy with someone else and in the process, depriving your partner of that.
Regarding the “no one gets hurt excuse” — oh really? Almost always, the partner finds out about the online romance, and it does indeed hurt. Or if you lose interest in the online lover, that hurts, too. It’s wise to remember that, just you are a living breathing human being with real feelings, so is the person on the other side of the screen. Is that online lover in a relationship as you are? It becomes like a chain reaction, the proverbial ripple effect. Never believe that no one gets hurt.
“It keeps me from cheating in real life.” Isn’t it time we all admit that being online and whatever we do while there is now very much a part of real life? On top of that, be aware that many online romances eventually do end up becoming face-to-face, up close and personal. Don’t allow yourself to live with false illusions. Lying to yourself is just as damaging as lying to someone else.
Regarding “It satisifies my curiosity about what it would be like to be with someone other than my partner.” Oh really? Have you been completely upfront with your online lover? Even if you have, how do you know the other person has done the same? The online world is a convenient place to pretend a million things that one isn’t. And isn’t that a lot like saying, “I’ve always wondered what life in Timbuktu would be like, and now I know,” even though you’ve never visited a single place in Africa?
As for “I can have some fun without getting any diseases,” it could be argued that the very fact you’re having an online romance when you already have a partner is a symptom of some form of emotional or relationship disease that has gone unaddressed.
“It’s cheaper than a real affair.” Maybe so, if you’re only talking about money, or if you don’t get caught, or if the online romance doesn’t lead to expensive phone calls, or in-person meetings. And always remember the emotional toll that might result. One stands to lose everything that matters most and not find out until it’s too late.
Regarding “It’’s better for my partner/kids than leaving or divorcing would be.” See above, as online romance can run amok beyond one’s wildest imaginings.
“I’m unhappy … this is harmless.” After an initial euphoria, online romance can ultimately lead to increased, not decreased, unhappiness. It doesn’t address the underlying causess. Only you can do that is the root cause is strictly your own, or you and your actual partner if the relationship is at the center of your unhappiness.
“I wouldn’t consider it cheating if my partner was doing it.” Oh, really? You might re-examining that illusion. Close your eyes, and truly picture it happening and how you might really feel if your partner was engaged in an online romance. Get thorough, get deep, with your visualization of it. Be honest with yourself about what it might really feel like or do to you.
Conclusion
In my opinion, online romance is, indeed, cheating for all the reasons stated above, and for all the reasons I’ve inadvertently omitted.
What is your take regarding online romance. Is it cheating?
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